I’ve made a decision!
I’ve decided to take a year off from making extra commitments, dating, looking for “the one” and being sorry… for anything. I found myself always apologizing for almost anything and everything. I’m also taking this year to workout and take training classes to slim down and be happier with my appearance but most of all to feel healthy and strong. Please understand, I am a natural apologizer so I’m hoping to end that. I’m also exhausted of being pressured to not only find a boyfriend but that he needs to be potential husband material. All except one of my best friends are either engaged, married or in a committed living together kind of relationship and that one friend left is in a new relationship. So, you can imagine how many times I’m asked about my love life and subsequently told that they don’t know how I’m still single because I’m so this or that.
I’m going to level with you. I battle daily with feelings of inadequacy. I often hate how I look, what I say and what I do. There’s an old adage a friend told me once, “how can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t love yourself.” Well friends I don’t love myself so I’ve decided to take a year off of things that have been making me unhappy.
First, I am always over committing myself I’m finding that I haven’t spent quiet time time with God as much as I would like to and I’m unable to make time for my younger siblings in that mess of overcommitment. So for this year I’m saying no to any extra obligations someone tries to put on me. A kind but firm no of course.
Second, dating is not making me happy the games men play and the fading in and out (see my post on ghosting) so this was an easy no. Well easy until I started putting it into play but I’ll get to that in my next post. Maybe this will end up being one of those “love will find you when you least expect it” type things but I’m not holding my breath.
Third, I am so tired of apologizing. I’ve found myself saying it even when it does not need to be said. I am so quick to apologize for anything about myself that I feel like I’ve almost become a shell of myself. The strong independent woman that once was there isn’t anymore. It’s time to put an end to it. While I was doing the Esther Study by Beth Moore I realized that I was made to be strong, created to be a daughter of the most high King and that I should act as though that’s what I am with my head held high, happiness in my heart and love for myself.
Side Note: That study is amazing even if you are not a Christian. It’s a history based study and amazing. The full name is Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman and my friends it is.
Fourth, my health is something I’ve struggled with. From pain in my hands that presents itself as carpal tunnel but according to a nerve test isn’t and light tendinitis that wouldn’t explain my immense pain… I’m left not knowing what to do. For now I am leaving it to a new rheumatologist to figure out. I’ve been on the overweight side since I was a teenager and now 12 years later I’m going to change that. I joined the gym 15 days ago and I’ve been every day except 1. Now before you go telling me I need a break once or twice a week please understand my personality. If I take too many breaks it makes it that much harder for me to get my buns back into that gym. So I’ll do it my way to stick with it. So in 15 days I’ve lost 7lbs which is on the healthy side. I’m working harder than I ever have so it’s nice to see it’s paying off.
So, under this page I’ll be sharing with you my year long journey into taking control of my life, saying no and putting a hold on my love life. I hope you’ll laugh when I’m both laughing and crying and most of all enjoy.
Confessions of a Twenty Something 