One step forward two steps back…

That is exactly how my day is going today. You know those times when a loved one pressures you into doing something and you know it’s going to be awful but you say yes anyways? Well that was me today. 

My mother dragged me to a ladies’ tea at our church, which normally I would love because as 25 year olds go I’m kind of old school like that. Yes my future China pattern is going to be. So I’m looking at the program and I realize that my recent ex’s mom hosted a table at the event… seconds later her name was called and as she stood I was torn. Part of me wanted to run out of the room, the other half of me wanted to go up to her and tell her the kind of man her son is. 

I did neither. Instead, I held my head high as silent tears streamed down my cheeks I made my way to the restroom through the crowd, luckily I was alone, I held onto the sink and cried for what seemed like forever. Repeating over and over “I am beautiful, I am strong” after a good 15 minutes my message sunk in. I composed myself, put a smile on my face and walked back to my table. 

The rest of the event was excrushing. I wanted to leave, but I stayed knowing my mom would throw an epic fit if I did. So I endured, I suffered through it and you know what… I made it through and im still alive.

As I was listening to the guest speaker I realized her message was 100% for me and what I needed to hear. I’ve been harboring so much anger and hatred for someone and I need to let it go. Moving on may not happen immediately but I have to let go of the negative feelings and energy. They are holding me back from my own happiness. I’m not saying it’ll happen overnight, but I’m committed to trying.

A “few” hours later:

Now it’s not all good and great, I’m still exhausted partially from not getting to sleep till 6am from carpal tunnel killing my hands. But I feel better, I’m proud of myself for pulling it together and making it through the luncheon with at least a partial smile on my face.

I’ve spent the rest of the day with some much needed but not to excess retail therapy and I’m going to cuddle my squishy pup tonight and remind myself that “the sun’ll come out tomorrow”.  

Today’s loot below! The pictures don’t do the dresses justice.

   

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