I spent the week in Charlotte, North Carolina and while I generally love it here this week may have scarred me. The dust was as bad as Sacramento but the weather was perfect, aside from a light rain on Friday. I’m pretty sure I’ll have dirt trapped up my nose for the next week. Challenges included crappy WIFI and cell signal so doing my job was increasingly difficult (being the social media girl you kind of need to have Internet). Pluses included almost zero stress, working with an awesome group of people and not being cooped up in an office all day.
Traveling home today is going to be bittersweet. As badly as I miss home I’m already looking forward to my next trip in two weeks to Columbus, OH.
I love the new company I worked for, they were so kind and awesome and they all work well together. I’m looking forward to doing more festivals with them.
We just wrapped up a fest and woah was it a whirlwind. I’ve never in my life been set up to fail, and it doesn’t feel good. I don’t mean unintentionally. I mean mean spirited “I’m going to act like im in highschool and teach you a lesson” bullshit.
Now, I’m not going to say I performed perfectly or even close to perfect but damn I worked harder than I’ve ever worked in my life. I pulled 3 – 22 hour days in a row and 19 hour days in the three days leading up to that. I didn’t take time to eat, or stay hydrated… How could I when shit was hitting the fan? I love my job and I love the people but never in my life would I have thought two that I trusted the most would turn on me. When I say turn on me, I’m talking they stole things out of my office to make me look bad (but they were safe the whole time) they added a ridiculous amount of additional work on to my plate and didn’t care about the outcome.
I was yelled at for telling our owner the truth… As if I would ever sacrifice my integrity and lie to him about something so small when I could just fix it. I picked up cigarette buts off the parking lot ground until 4am and didn’t even think to complain because the owner was out there too and teams stick together.
I love the company I work for but I can’t and won’t allow myself to be lied to and screwed over. So until I figure out my next step I’ll wait and see what happens on their end. All I can do now is pray and hope for the best.
This is me, what I look like at this moment… (You’ll need that for reference)
There’s days when I get wound up, and angry and flustered. Today is one of those days.
I was standing in line at my local sub shop when I overheard a mother whisper to her daughter that “someone like that (referring to me) would never be able to get a real job.” Her daughter asked why and she began to explain because of the crazy colors in my hair and my tattoos for reference you can only see three of my tattoos, one on my ankle and one on each wrist.
Now, maybe it was the fact that I hadn’t eaten all day or I was just finally fed up with this mindset but I not so kindly whipped around and looked at the daughter and said “Hi my name is Lauren, I am a 25 year old who graduated from Flagler College and I am a production office manager for music festivals. I pay all of my own bills, I drive a nice dependable car oh did I mention I graduated college debt-free and worked three jobs to do so. I used to be like your mom afraid to express my individuality and cared so much about what everyone else thought and then one day I realize that it really doesn’t matter. All that matters is what I think and my work and my work ethic speak for themselves.”
To say the mom was shocked would be an understatement she tried to pick a fight but I said I wasn’t interested I was just sharing with her and her daughter the facts of my life before she goes and make snap judgments. I have faced criticism like this only a few times in the past but when somebody is trying to pass on awful ideologies to a child that’s what really bothers me knowing that they will grow up thinking the same thing their parents still just as my little brother has grown up thinking tattoos are stupid and ridiculous because that is how my father feels.
To each their own opinion but keep it to yourself if somebody is within your shot of who you were referring to and cutting down this world has enough of negativity we don’t need to add to it.
Last night it really settled in that I’m moving for the 5th time in 2 years. In case you’re wondering… I hate moving and we’re both okay with that as our relationship status. I’ve been slowly packing for about 5 days, putting things in re-useable bags so they can fit into my little car for me to take over and then finally getting 10 large boxes yesterday and packing each one of them. As I was weaving in and out of the boxes down the hallway it donned on me this is going to be my life. I’ve chosen an industry that requires tons of traveling and quite a bit of moving. I had a real “think hard” moment and decided as much as I hate moving I wouldn’t trade that for what I do. I love my job and the company I work for. The guys treat me like family. We disagree, we sometimes argue but at the end of the day we get through it and come out stronger.
These words speak to my soul. When I’m at festivals I’m constantly being told “you’re so kind, so sweet” well why be any other way. Seriously? Why be a miserable sour puss if you don’t have to be?
The other day I kept a newly dear friend, let’s call him A, on the phone for 4 hours and 15 min… Well in reality we kept eachother on the phone that long. So he’s telling me about a mutual friend, we’ll call him S, who is boarder line acquaintance for me and in Dec when I got them what they had hoped for at the festival (with my boss’ approval). They were so stoked and couldn’t believe how kind and nice I was they got to talking and S had said “You know, she’s the kind of girl you marry. Not the kind who you want to be a mistake for, but the kind you marry.” I sat there kind of floored.
While I don’t have particularly low self esteem I don’t see myself as that kind of girl. For someone as awesome as him to say that hit me like a ton of bricks to the chest.
Now… I just need to find a guy who feels that way about me who’s single and laughs at my dumb jokes, indulges me in random dancing and never makes fun of my love for Taylor Swift.
Affect us. I’m feeling my most recent one smacking me in the face. I mentioned a few days ago in my post Between a Rock and a Hard Spot that I was having to choose between work with a new client that could lead to amazing things and in turn missing my best friend of 11 years’ wedding… where I’m the Maid of Honor. Well, I officially got the position and posted on my social media about how excited I was just to realize I didn’t block her from seeing the post. A wave of guilt and emotion swept across me when she commented on it. In the end being the true best friend she is she said she was happy for me and knows how much this opportunity means to me but I could feel the hurt and dissapointment laced in her words.
How do you choose between career opportunities that are hard to come by and essentially family? Maybe I find it easier because I’m a workaholic or maybe because I’m a terrible friend? All I know is when my special day comes, if she can’t make it, I’ll always blame myself. In the end all I can pray is that it’s worth it.
I’m kicking the Monday blues to the curb with a good laugh from this meme.