I swear those lyrics get stuck in my head everytime I’m feeling down and hopeless. But there ISIS much truth in them. No matter how dark things may seem you can count on that sun to rise in the morning… Unless you live in Alaska, and if that’s the case I’m sorry you’re SOL. So basically I’ve moved on to the anger stage and the “I’m better than that” phase rolled up into one not so neat little package. Let’s not go there tonight.
Hold up though, I want to talk about some awesome things happening. My next fest is less than a month away and I can’t wait! This has been the longest 4 months of my life and it’s just reassured me this is what I love to do and that it’s the life I want. I may always be traveling but at some point I’ll get to where I can take the pup with me and being away from home won’t suck so bad.
Turns out my older brother still owns his house here and I’m going to rent it from him and fix it up so he and his wife can finally sell it. Looks like home improvement projects will be taking up a lot of my time and I’m okay with that. It’ll be a lot to handle bit good practice for my first home. Plus Edward, my dog, will have a backyard to run around in. Plus I won’t live so far from my friends or siblings and with a mall 5 min away what else can a girl ask for?
So, lots of changes. A new house with tons of home improvements needed and more time on the road this fall. So far 1 show in April, 3 in October, 1 in November and 2 in December. Plus rumors of two more but we’ll see a girl can hope! I’m young, now is the time to satisfy my travel bug. (Assuming that it can be satisfied)
So basically when things look hopeless and dark and the mountain seems too big to climb just remind yourself “the sun’ll come out tomorrow.”
I want you to know some things. You are worth it so worth it. You are beautiful, you are strong, you are kind, loving and important. You matter. You matter to me, to your family, to your friends. So don’t give up. Selfishly I’m posting this for myself just as much as I am for you, but I guessing that’s okay. I want you to know you deserve to be someone’s first choice, not their second and not their third.
It’s so tough to hear what everyone keeps telling me. What I wrote above pretty much sums it up. Just sprinkle in a few ‘you’re better than he is’ and ‘you can do better'(s) in there and you’ve got the soundtrack of my life for the past two days. I’m trying so hard to believe it but I’m broken. Unbelievably broken. It reminds me of this song I used to listen to that holds so much truth, Gotye’s ‘Somebody I Used to Know.’ ((below for your auditory pleasure))
I’m trying so hard to make it through this post but as the tears flow freely down my cheeks and my head gets light I’m reminded of the sobering fact that I am weak and I am broken. No matter how hard I fight it I’m so angry and so hurt I can’t keep food down let alone water. I got woozy at work and passed out probably from dehydration. But if I know one thing the sun is going to come up tomorrow and it’s beautiful rays are going to help wash this pain away. This pit I’m in isn’t forever, it’s not permanent. God did not make me to be lonely, he made me to be happy and fulfilled. He made me to be strong. He made me in his image.
So I may not feel it tonight, probably not tomorrow but soon and once I’m past this… I’ll be that much stronger. Until then I just keep telling myself, “Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy.”