Wrecked…

 

Full disclosure I’m a bleeding heart and I’ve always had a deep connection to music. So the other day one of my friend’s posts a new song she found from RaeLynn called “Love Triangle”. It’s about divorce written from a child’s perspective. Normally these songs are written from the husband or the wife’s perspective and that’s probably why they don’t hit me like this one did.

I was standing in the laundry room and as I changed over the current load I cued up the song to play. Mistake alert!! I was not ready for the gut wrenching cry I was about to experience. This song brought me to my knees in every way imaginable. It broke me down and kicked me right in the feels. She perfectly describes what it feels like being stuck between two parents who are in the midst of a divorce. Hearing the beautiful melody took me back to my childhood and having to pack my bag for my dad’s house and all of the struggle that came with that. (Did I have pj’s that fit? Were my pants going to be too short this time?)┬áSo many thoughts running through my head that a 6 year old shouldn’t have to deal with. It took me back to all of the hurt I’ve kept down and ignored for years.

Naturally you’d think I’d listen to it once, realize it upsets me and move on to a happy song. But that’s just not my style. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment. I continued to cry for the next four hours… taking me all the way up to 3:30am. Let’s just say the next day at work was brutal with a 7:30am meeting and a full day I headed into it with puffy eyes. Positives did come from it, I feel so much lighter though. That cry was cathartic and helped me to release pent up anger and hurt I had bottled up.

Here’s to moving on with a fresh outlook on my experience!

Advertisements

Finding Happiness in the Little Things

I’m a firm believer that little things can make all the difference. Today I find myself at my “just for fun job” working at a school with toddlers when one who never gives hugs comes up to me and says “hug please”. I of course obliged and she wrapped her little arms around me and held on so tight. All of the pain and heartbreak I’ve been feeling ceased to exist for those two minutes. It’s like she knew I needed it and when silent tears rolled down my cheeks she let go and wiped them away. She’ll never know what her needing a hug actually did for me but I’ll always remember it and how it subsided my aching heart.

So today I’m re-committing my love for finding beauty in the little things and finding happiness from within. My heart is still mending but it doesn’t mean I can’t help it along. If you’re struggling I hope you find small comfort and happiness in something beautiful today. Something often overlooked or ignored. Because you, dear sweet one, deserve happiness.