Wrecked…

 

Full disclosure I’m a bleeding heart and I’ve always had a deep connection to music. So the other day one of my friend’s posts a new song she found from RaeLynn called “Love Triangle”. It’s about divorce written from a child’s perspective. Normally these songs are written from the husband or the wife’s perspective and that’s probably why they don’t hit me like this one did.

I was standing in the laundry room and as I changed over the current load I cued up the song to play. Mistake alert!! I was not ready for the gut wrenching cry I was about to experience. This song brought me to my knees in every way imaginable. It broke me down and kicked me right in the feels. She perfectly describes what it feels like being stuck between two parents who are in the midst of a divorce. Hearing the beautiful melody took me back to my childhood and having to pack my bag for my dad’s house and all of the struggle that came with that. (Did I have pj’s that fit? Were my pants going to be too short this time?) So many thoughts running through my head that a 6 year old shouldn’t have to deal with. It took me back to all of the hurt I’ve kept down and ignored for years.

Naturally you’d think I’d listen to it once, realize it upsets me and move on to a happy song. But that’s just not my style. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment. I continued to cry for the next four hours… taking me all the way up to 3:30am. Let’s just say the next day at work was brutal with a 7:30am meeting and a full day I headed into it with puffy eyes. Positives did come from it, I feel so much lighter though. That cry was cathartic and helped me to release pent up anger and hurt I had bottled up.

Here’s to moving on with a fresh outlook on my experience!

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Ouch… It’s Been so Long!

There’s things I wish for in life. More time is one of them. Since I’ve last shared with you so many things have changed. (Which I feel sums up the constant feeling of my late 20’s, but we’ll get to that)

  • I’ve gotten a new job!
  • I have an incredible boyfriend
  • I’ve moved into an adorable condo that’s smack in the middle of both of my families.
  • I’ve been forced into a gluten-free and dairy-free lifestyle. Thank you Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis

New Job: 

In December I interviewed and accepted a position as an Assistant Event Manager for a small firm in Orlando. Let me start out by saying I love my job, my boss, his family and our clients. I was the Assistant Event Manager/ Volunteer Coordinator/ Administrative Assistant/ ((Too many things to name)) for the FIRST ever He Got Up event in Orlando, FL. It was the most incredible event I’ve ever worked, even above all of the concerts! Just under 10k people were helped on Easter Sunday, 4k haircuts were provided, over 500 showers, 18 palates of free clothes were given away along with 8 palates of toys. DCF saw over 500 families, helped people understand the services that were available to them. It was an incredible experience and one I’m looking forward to doing again next year.

I also did the Citrus Bowl Parade which was exciting up until I broke out in hives because as luck would have it I’m allergic to citrus. Overall, riding a police escort around Orlando was pretty exciting and the parade went off without a hitch.

Incredible Boyfriend: 

Let me start off with the disclaimer… we met on Bumble. I’ve gone on Bumble dates before but this one was different. We messaged back and forth for a week and he kept postponing our dates off because he was sick. The third time he postponed I started loosing hope and as a last ditch effort I re-scheduled for Tuesday, the day before I was leaving to London on vacation for two weeks. Because fate is a fickle witch she got me good. It turns out my flight for London was Tuesday night so this time I had to cancel our date… on the last possible day before leaving. He was such a trooper. He was positive and told me we could meet up when I got back.

We continued to talk while I was gone, he asked about my hotel and how I was holding up being overseas alone. On my birthday he surprised me with flowers! It was epically awesome.

We FaceTimed while I was gone and I knew I liked him from what I knew. He also volunteered to pick me up from the airport. He did and now the rest is as they say history…

New Condo:

Not too much to say aside from its perfectly located and super nice, aside from the cat stains from the previous tenants it’s awesome!!

New Lifestyle Diet:

This one was so not my choice but on my last day of vacation in Nashville my doctor called and diagnosed me with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditus which essentially means I can’t have any dairy or gluten for the foreseeable future. The transition hasn’t been an easy one but my family and boyfriend have been extremely supportive and encouraging. Here’s to hoping I continue to be successful on this journey. Wish me luck!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Backstabbed but not broken…

We just wrapped up a fest and woah was it a whirlwind. I’ve never in my life been set up to fail, and it doesn’t feel good. I don’t mean unintentionally. I mean mean spirited “I’m going to act like im in highschool and teach you a lesson” bullshit. 

Now, I’m not going to say I performed perfectly or even close to perfect but damn I worked harder than I’ve ever worked in my life. I pulled 3 – 22 hour days in a row and 19 hour days in the three days leading up to that. I didn’t take time to eat, or stay hydrated… How could I when shit was hitting the fan? I love my job and I love the people but never in my life would I have thought two that I trusted the most would turn on me. When I say turn on me, I’m talking they stole things out of my office to make me look bad (but they were safe the whole time) they added a ridiculous amount of additional work on to my plate and didn’t care about the outcome.

I was yelled at for telling our owner the truth… As if I would ever sacrifice my integrity and lie to him about something so small when I could just fix it. I picked up cigarette buts off the parking lot ground until 4am and didn’t even think to complain because the owner was out there too and teams stick together. 

I love the company I work for but I can’t and won’t allow myself to be lied to and screwed over. So until I figure out my next step I’ll wait and see what happens on their end. All I can do now is pray and hope for the best.

The final straw…

This is me, what I look like at this moment… (You’ll need that for reference)

   

 

There’s days when I get wound up, and angry and flustered. Today is one of those days. 

I was standing in line at my local sub shop when I overheard a mother whisper to her daughter that “someone like that (referring to me) would never be able to get a real job.” Her daughter asked why and she began to explain because of the crazy colors in my hair and my tattoos for reference you can only see three of my tattoos, one on my ankle and one on each wrist. 

Now, maybe it was the fact that I hadn’t eaten all day or I was just finally fed up with this mindset but I not so kindly whipped around and looked at the daughter and said “Hi my name is Lauren, I am a 25 year old who graduated from Flagler College and I am a production office manager for music festivals. I pay all of my own bills, I drive a nice dependable car oh did I mention I graduated college debt-free and worked three jobs to do so. I used to be like your mom afraid to express my individuality and cared so much about what everyone else thought and then one day I realize that it really doesn’t matter. All that matters is what I think and my work and my work ethic speak for themselves.” 

To say the mom was shocked would be an understatement she tried to pick a fight but I said I wasn’t interested I was just sharing with her and her daughter the facts of my life before she goes and make snap judgments. I have faced criticism like this only a few times in the past but when somebody is trying to pass on awful ideologies to a child that’s what really bothers me knowing that they will grow up thinking the same thing their parents still just as my little brother has grown up thinking tattoos are stupid and ridiculous because that is how my father feels. 

To each their own opinion but keep it to yourself if somebody is within your shot of who you were referring to and cutting down this world has enough of negativity we don’t need to add to it.

Wisdom

   

These words speak to my soul. When I’m at festivals I’m constantly being told “you’re so kind, so sweet” well why be any other way. Seriously? Why be a miserable sour puss if you don’t have to be? 

The other day I kept a newly dear friend, let’s call him A, on the phone for 4 hours and 15 min… Well in reality we kept eachother on the phone that long. So he’s telling me about a mutual friend, we’ll call him S, who is boarder line acquaintance for me and in Dec when I got them what they had hoped for at the festival (with my boss’ approval). They were so stoked and couldn’t believe how kind and nice I was they got to talking and S had said “You know, she’s the kind of girl you marry. Not the kind who you want to be a mistake for, but the kind you marry.” I sat there kind of floored. 

While I don’t have particularly low self esteem I don’t see myself as that kind of girl. For someone as awesome as him to say that hit me like a ton of bricks to the chest. 

Now… I just need to find a guy who feels that way about me who’s single and laughs at my dumb jokes, indulges me in random dancing and never makes fun of my love for Taylor Swift.

 

Beautiful 

“She was beautiful, but not like the girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for that sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile even if she was sad. No, she wasn’t beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul.