Affect us. I’m feeling my most recent one smacking me in the face. I mentioned a few days ago in my post Between a Rock and a Hard Spot that I was having to choose between work with a new client that could lead to amazing things and in turn missing my best friend of 11 years’ wedding… where I’m the Maid of Honor. Well, I officially got the position and posted on my social media about how excited I was just to realize I didn’t block her from seeing the post. A wave of guilt and emotion swept across me when she commented on it. In the end being the true best friend she is she said she was happy for me and knows how much this opportunity means to me but I could feel the hurt and dissapointment laced in her words.
How do you choose between career opportunities that are hard to come by and essentially family? Maybe I find it easier because I’m a workaholic or maybe because I’m a terrible friend? All I know is when my special day comes, if she can’t make it, I’ll always blame myself. In the end all I can pray is that it’s worth it.
It’s never a place I like to be. I work in an industry that could take me out of town with a moment’s notice, part of me loves that and another part of me hates it. My bosses all warned me that I would end up sacrificing life experiences to make it in this industry and my jaded little mind kept saying, yeah well I’ll make it work no matter what. The day came sooner rather than later.
Yesterday I came to the realization that a new work opportunity would be taking me out of town the same weekend as my best friend (of 10 years’) wedding. Now, I use the term best friend loosely, sister is more accurate and I was slated to be the maid of honor. The only thing that made breaking the news to her even worse was that it was April Fools Day… but not an April Fools prank. She kept insisting that it was and finally I had to forward her a photo of my texts with my contact confirming and send a picture of the website showing the dates. It was at that point she didn’t take the “oh I’m so happy for you road” she responded just how I would if she gave me the same news, with disbelief and inconsolable hurt. As much as I wanted to fly back that day and at least be there for the day of, it’s just not feasible. I would have to miss the entire last day of the festival and especially since this is a new company I can’t do that. I need them to see how much ass I kick and how valuable I am.
I can’t quite say if I’m going to regret it when I look back but this could be a big stepping stone for me, and at this point in the game I just can’t turn that down. Every opportunity could open the door to more, and I have to try and be willing to do whatever it takes.
So here’s to my breaking heart and my first time truly choosing work over loved ones.
This has been my mantra today. In all actuality I do love my friends but sometimes I feel shafted. Like, “hey can you help me with…” Because it’s not like I don’t have my own 3 jobs I’m working or personal things to take care of. It’s probably partly/ wholely my fault for always volunteering myself to help but sometimes I wish they would ask me if I need any help with anything. I can’t be the only one that feels like a pleasent doormat on occasion.
Today was no exception. My best friend in the world had a baby about a month ago and now she’s trying to plan her wedding for May, of course she waited, of course she procrastinated. So now her super sweet fiancé has asked me to help… I’m regretting being all too willing but we’ve been best friends for 10 years, so I’m going to chalk this one off as my duty as a BFF.
Tell me I’m not alone in wishing I wasn’t so quick to volunteer or so quick to always say yes.